


Ann and Rosa Are Not Friends

by SapphoIsBurning



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover Pairings, F/F, Furniture, Humor, Slice of Life, Waffles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphoIsBurning/pseuds/SapphoIsBurning
Summary: Rosa is mad that nobody recognizes that she and Ann are dating. But what to do?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aphrodite_mine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodite_mine/gifts).



“Are you two sisters?” the man behind the counter asked.

Rosa looked at him stonily. “How many sisters do you know who shop for antique home furnishings together?”

“Oh loads, always pairs of women coming in here together.” He blithely flipped through a spiral notebook looking for the price of the chiffonier Ann was interested in. “Ah, here it is. The consigned has it listed at four thousand five hundred. Says she saw one just like it on Antiques Roadshow.”

Ann looked at him with a similar steely expression.

“See, you two look so much alike!”

“It’s an ugly dresser and we’re leaving!” Ann grabbed Rosa’s wrist and walked purposefully toward the exit. Then she nearly bounced off the door, which was an entrance, which did not open the direction she meant. She took a step backward, falling into Rosa’s arms. Rosa spun her around, kissed her, looked over her shoulder at the owner of the antique mall, and pulled her out the exit.

“Ain’t right to kiss your sister like that,” the man said to no one in particular.

***

Rosa had flown into Pawnee to meet Ann’s friends and family. It was a last-minute trip: Rosa had some floating holidays she needed to use up, and Ann bought a Groupon for flights out of Newark during Finland’s tourist season.

Salted licorice was free on Air Finland, and they had one daily flight into Indianapolis. Rosa survived Newark, and she survived the person transporting rotten shark in bulk in their carry-on, and she enjoyed the in-flight movie dubbed in Finnish. It was all worth it to see Ann. Long distance relationships were hard to sustain, but they were both so busy with their careers that skyping while watching The Bachelor wasn’t much different than what they’d do normally, minus the physical contact.

Ann was waiting just outside security and Rosa scooped her up in her arms, swinging her around, as they both giggled with delight.

Leslie came over, having dashed off to the bathroom because she drank a whole Big Gulp of Minute Maid Light Lemonade on the drive over because she needed to be hydrated to focus on the road in the summer. (Ann’s car was having a mysterious alignment problem and while Ron had promised to have a talk with it, she hadn’t had the chance to get to the shop and so she begged Leslie to drive. It was fine!)

Rosa set Ann down and schooled her face. Showing her feelings this much was taxing.

“It’s so important to have gal pals,” Leslie said, sighing.

Rosa frowned, harder than her default. “Gal pals?”

“Friends. Girl friends. Friends who are girls. They’re the best. Ann has been so excited for me to meet her girl friend, and you know I’ve been her best girl friend for so long but I’m excited she has another one and.” Leslie looked back and forth between Ann’s horrified expression and Rosa’s eyebrow raise of dyspepsia. “Girlfriend. You’re. Ann. Ann, help. She’s going to eat me.”

“No, Leslie, she’s going to eat me!” Ann stage whispered, throwing her hands up. “Why do you think I’ve been so excited for the visit?”

“I just thought we were all going to get waffles.” Leslie wilted.

Rosa pursed her lips. “Well. I do like waffles.” She jerked her head toward the baggage carousel. “Come on, let’s go get my suitcase. I hope we don’t have to stand by the shark guy.”

“Air Finland is  _ such _ a good deal during shark season,” Ann said.

Leslie nodded. “So good. Waffles. Sharks. We’re friends now, right?”

Rosa narrowed her eyes but smiled. “Any friend of Ann is a friend of mine.”

***

And it kept happening. Leslie was contrite and regained her composure, and really she reminded Rosa a lot of Santiago, with her fast-talking and her fluttery overachieving aura. But it wasn’t just Leslie.

They went to JJ’s Diner for dinner as soon as they got to town and dropped Rosa’s stuff off at Ann’s house. But lots of people in Pawnee had the same idea. Tom and Jean-Ralphio came over to their table to say hi.

“Ann, I didn’t know you had a sister,” Tom said. “Enchante.” Jean-Ralphio just made a growling-meowing noise.

“How do you know her name,” Rosa said to them. She reached for her badge. “I need to see some…”

Ann put a hand on her arm. “Stop.”

“I am a cop,” she said, staring down Jean-Ralphio, who had inched closer.

“A ferocious Amazon cop sister,” Tom said in a hushed and amazed tone of voice.

“Leave,” Rosa said.

“That’s probably a good idea,” Leslie said. “Rosa’s still adjusting to...Indiana.”

“Sure. Indiana. That must be it,” Rosa said. “Now scram.”

After they left, Ann privately admitted it might be better to not tell those two in particular after all.

***

It happened at the bakery when Ann went to buy Rosa donuts. It happened at the county museum while they were taking the Indiana: A Glorious History docent-guided tour. By the time it happened at the antique mall, Rosa had had enough.

“We’re not sisters, we don’t look like sisters at all, do we? What do I have to do?” Rosa asked while they shared a single dish of frozen yogurt.

“Skywriting?” Ann asked.

“That’s really expensive,” Rosa said. “Peralta found that out the hard way.”

“Matching tattoos!”

“Do you really want to get matching tattoos?”

“No, not really. But they are cute sometimes.”

Rosa scowled into the swirl of vanilla and chocolate. “I just love you a lot and I want everyone to know,” she mumbled, not making eye contact.

Ann’s eyes welled up with tears. “I know. And that’s the most important thing. I love you too.”

“Shauna Malwae-Tweep, Pawnee Journal. Can I ask you girls a few questions?” A woman with dark hair swooped down and sat at their table. Rosa turned her glare from the ice cream to her, excited to have a new target. Maybe she felt better when she had someone to be mad at.

“We’re on a  _ date _ ,” Ann said. “A gay date. Bisexual. You know what I mean. We’re not sisters!” Her voice got louder as she announced it to the whole yogurt store. Some patrons nodded in solidarity while some pretended not to hear what was going on.

“I know! I was wondering if you could comment on Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Has your lifestyle been impacted?” The woman sat there with a tiny notebook, looking excited to write down the answer.

“I...huh,” Ann said.

“It sucks,” Rosa said. “You shouldn’t be allowed to discriminate against anyone.”

“Yes, that!” Ann nodded vigorously. “My girlfriend is smart, and a cop. Also a hero, she stops crime.”

Shauna wrote furiously. Then she stopped and looked up. “Is there any way we could get a picture?”

***

In the end, the paper spelled Ann’s name wrong and due to a placement error, the photo of them appeared to be paired with a caption about a local prize-winning tomato. But it was a small price to pay for everyone in town to know they were  _ definitely _ more than friends.

 


End file.
